“Besties” Have Ruined Friendships

You can tell their besties because their hands are on their hips and their knees are bent

You can tell they’re besties because their hands are on their hips and their knees are bent

There’s a new term making the rounds among young women everywhere.  “Besties”. It’s supposed to be slang for best friends. I am convinced that this new “word” is ruining friendships. As a side note, I apologize to all females because I will be picking on your gender for the duration of this post. Please forgive me. I don’t hear men use the word bestie, and if I did, I would have to dedicate an entirely separate post to instruct them on what words should never be used in their daily vernacular.

When I was a kid, we had best friends. I remember my best friend as a teenager. His name was Matt. His name is still Matt. He’s not dead. We were tight. We rocked. We played baseball and football, went camping, built a tree fort , and drew letters with gasoline in a field and lit them on fire for airplane pilots to see. It was awesome. He has since moved away, but we’ll always be friends.

Just about everybody had a best friend growing up. If you didn’t, then now you hate me for rehashing that horrible time in your life and I apologize. For everyone else, I’m sure we all remember that one guy or girl that was definitively referred to as your best friend. Those were good times.

Then one day someone thought it would be cute to abbreviate best friend with bestie. What a jerk. I dislike that person strongly (my mom won’t let me use the word “hate”). You see, it would have been totally ok if people continued to use the word bestie as a reference to their best friend, but instead people (and by people, I mean strictly girls) have been a little bit too loose in its usage and destroyed the meaning of friendship.

Nowadays, girls are referring to every single female they’re friends with as their bestie. Every. Single. One. Whether it’s someone they have been friends with for years or someone they just recently added on facebook, they’re all besties now.

I believe that the introduction of the word “bestie” is an indication that the modern American culture has shifted from having one close friend as the norm to multiple quasi-close friends being the norm. The influx of social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and the consequential compiling of “friends” or “followers” over the internet has seeped from the virtual world to the real world. Because young Americans have hundreds of “friends” digitally, they’re subconsciously allowing it to happen with face-to-face relationships as well.

Let me enlighten you to what the problem is. There is a fundamental difference between having a best friend and having a bestie. Referring to a group of girls as “my besties” doesn’t make each of these females a best friend to the girl. It instead makes each one of them merely a semi-close friend. None of them are truly the “best” friend. Robin Thicke would agree with me that the use of bestie has inadvertently blurred the lines between acquaintance and friend, as well as between friend and best friend. You can’t tell the difference anymore.

Robin no longer considers you a bestie.

Robin no longer considers you a bestie.

I love that someone considers me their best friend. It makes me feel special and wanted. I’m privy to information no one else is. I’m someone’s go-to person for when they need advice or encouragement. I’m their first choice to share amazing news or an incredible experience. If I were merely a bestie, I’d be one of multiple options. Knowing my luck, I’d probably be 4th or 5th down the line of 4 or 5 besties. The specialness (is that a word?) would be gone. And that’s kind of depressing.

My girlfriend has a best friend. She has resisted the societal pressure to have besties. Christine has a wonderful friendship with a woman with whom she can tell anything and share everything. It’s heartwarming to see and I know that it will last for a very long time. That friendship will certainly be going strong long after this bestie thing has died off. And above all, her having a best friend shows me that there’s hope for humanity after all (I am so dramatic).

How about you? Do you have besties? Are you totally ok with it? Comment below!

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I Put the “Best” in Best Man

Best man picMy brother’s wedding was this past weekend. It was pretty nice. The whole thing went very well. No fights, blow-ups, crazy drama, or scandals. In other words, boring. But there were some highlights! The food was superb, the location was excellent, and the best man was inspirational. I may be slightly biased on that last one because, you see, I was the best man.

And boy, did I crush it. I think the whole “best man” role is under-appreciated. The majority of the focus is on the bride and it causes a trickle-down effect favoring the female gender. Everyone thinks of the bride first, which in turn makes you think of the maid of honor, and then the other bridesmaids, and then the mother of the bride, etc, etc. The focus is completely on the women. Meanwhile, the groom and his posse over there just got the shaft in the attention department.

But as men, we just need to take it, right? Real men don’t whine when people aren’t paying them attention! If no one notices us, it means we’re doing our jobs correctly. You can apply that to every situation, including weddings.

So what exactly do you have to do to be a top notch best man? Considering I’m an expert now, I’ve put together a simple list of dos and don’ts. Follow this and you’ll not only be a great best man, but you’ll also keep the groom from getting into trouble.

1) No strippers. I apologize that I have to begin with this, but I’m obligated to. There is a shockingly large number of men who think it’s awesome to have a stripper at the bachelor party. It is not awesome. It’s the furthest thing from awesome. My religious beliefs have a lot do with why I personally disapprove of them, but even if you’re as atheist as they come, real men avoid strippers. Why? Because your need to see a stripper reveals how unhappy and dissatisfied with your life. I’ll try to not to get any more serious, but simply put, needing a stripper is just plain sad.

2) Hold on to the groom’s phone for the entirety of the bachelor party. It’s just better that way. We don’t want any drunken dials to his bride-to-be.

3) Don’t screw up the wedding toast. Say something nice, keep it short, don’t embarrass the groom, and you’ll do great.

4) Keep the groomsmen in line. You got picked to be the best man because you’re close to the groom and you can be trusted to handle things. The groomsmen are just crazy, unpredictable, and probably annoying dudes that the groom had to pick because his bride wanted a lot of bridesmaids. Just make sure they keep their shirts tucked in, aren’t late, and don’t get too plastered, Things should be ok then.

5) Keep the groom busy before the wedding. The poor guy is a wreck. This is one of the most nerve-wracking moments of his life. Distract him with a round of golf the morning of, or video games, or whatever. It’ll keep his mind off of the wedding. Just keep him sober. Please, please keep him sober.

6) Obey the women. The reason this list is so short is because the various women involved with the wedding will be bossing you around about everything else. You can’t screw anything up because those crazy females would destroy you and you actually care about your life.

That’s it. Easy, right? Us best men have a very simple, but important job. You got this, no problem. You’ll be the best best man ever. Just remember to thank your lucky stars that you weren’t born a woman and you don’t have to be a maid of honor.

Welcome to Observations by Greg

Welcome to my new blog!

I realize that I can be quite opinionated. The problem is that many opinions cause me to rant for longer than 140 characters or go the point where you’d have to click “See more” on a Facebook post. So I find myself here. With a shiny new website. But I promise not to be all maudlin or macabre. At least not the whole time. So please subscribe/follow/comment/whatever and enjoy the show!